You congratulate yourself for having goals, which sates you, so you don’t pursue them. Compounding the problem, talking about your goals out loud makes you feel like you’ve achieved them already. You tell your friends and family about your aspirations and are often met with indifference or even resistance - rarely the pat on the back you thought you’d get. When you embark on a new dream, path, or goal, your instinct tells you to evangelize and spread the gospel. See, you’re always tempted to talk instead of work in various ways. And keeping your mouth shut solves about eighty percent of that battle. Success is often a matter of getting out of your own way. One of your biggest distractions? Look in the mirror - specifically at the aperture seated beneath your nose and above your chin. To do the work, and do it well, you have to avoid distractions, which there are a lot of. You aspire to be something more than you are now. The Inverse Relationship Between Talking and Thriving The loudest are (usually) the weakest and the real boss opens their mouth only when they want to, never because they feel they have to.īecause I need to sink a life-changing lesson into your brain.ĭo the work instead.
This theme rings true from gangster movies to boardrooms. You don’t need to tell people what you’re capable of. See, when you have real power and confidence, it’s self-evident. Paulie could walk into an auditorium filled with the most dangerous gangsters in the world - all of them jabbering at loud volumes - and he could make it go silent, all without saying a word. If he talked at all, it was either because he felt he needed to or he was legitimately exchanging pleasantries with you. He didn’t talk to people in groups - if you wanted to deal with Paulie you brought a message to him one on one. He didn’t talk on the phone - his crew members took calls on payphones and relayed messages to him in person. Some of the members of the organization were boastful, hyper-macho, and above all else loudmouths. Long story short, if you had your own crew, you earned it one way or another. Paul Vario - known as “Paulie” - was a made man and head of his own crew in the Lucchese crime family. And always keep your mouth shut.” Loudest = Weakest “Everybody gets pinched, but you did it right. Jimmy stuffs a large wad of hundred dollar bills into Henry’s shirt pocket. Having, in his mind, messed up big-time, he feared repercussion from his non-law-abiding mentors. He’d been pinched - arrested for a crime and questioned by the police - after being caught illegally selling cigarettes from the back of a truck. He’s greeted by Jimmy Conway, also a notorious gangster.
Shut up your mouth how to#
Tim Cook, President Obama, the late Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg all have seemed to understand the secret golden rule: talk less, get more. There are entire industries designed to help us amplify our voices, experts who are just dying to coach us on how to talk better, but nobody is teaching us how to STFU for a while.įormer Forbes journalist Dan Lyons takes us on a sharp, funny, fascinating deep dive through our incessant noise-making – talking to communications experts, neuroscientists, psychiatrists and Silicon Valley executive coaches the world over to understand the science and culture behind why we can’t stop talking, and how ultimately we can learn to speak less – and with more intention – to improve our lives.Future notorious gangster Henry Hill walks out of the courtroom. When success is measured by how much attention we can attract, how long we can hold on to the mic, it’s no wonder that we feel compelled to spout endlessly on Twitter, to document every detail of our lives on Instagram, start that podcast, or lead that conference.Īnd yet, oddly enough, the most powerful and accomplished people in the world aren’t part of that chorus-they’re reserved, they listen, and when they do speak they’re considered. We live in a world that doesn’t just encourage overtalking, but practically demands it. Would our lives, relationships and careers be better if we just STFU for a while?
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